Today’s question is more of a topic prompt: “Vaginal orgasm, myth and reality.”
Let’s start with the science:
“The anatomical structures that might provoke vaginally activated orgasms rather than clitorally activated orgasms have not been completely and unequivocally described, probably representing a unique case of remaining major uncertainty regarding human gross anatomy. In fact, several issues relating to this gap in our anatomical knowledge remain controversial. First, the functional relationship between the clitoris and the vagina is still debated. Second, disagreements over whether the vagina is sufficiently innervated to provide pleasure, or is poorly sensitive to facilitate the processes of labour and birth, have not been resolved. Third, whether the Gräfenberg spot (G-spot; a hypothetical, discrete, highly erogenous region of the vagina) is a discrete entity, a complex structure, or a gynaecological myth created for journalistic purposes, or with the aim of supporting surgical aesthetic manipulations of the female genitals, remains unclear. [Furthermore] the existence of the vaginally activated orgasm, based on the opinion or experiences of a number of women, has often been rejected, largely for political rather than scientific reasons.” - Beyond the G-spot: Clitourethrovaginal Complex Anatomy in Female Orgasm by Emmanuele A. Jannini, Odile Buisson and Alberto Rubio-Casillas
Yes. That’s from a medical journal. And I always read this quote aloud when I’m teaching about vulvas and vaginas because it perfectly illustrates what a mess the science is on this topic.
If we can’t look to science to learn about anatomy and bodily function, then where are we?
Well, we’ve got each other. This is why sharing stories is so incredibly important in the field of sex education. In every class I teach I encourage the attendees to share as much as they’re comfortable with so that we can all learn from each other. And in addition to sharing what science is available, I also share from personal experience.
The truth is this: all bodies are different. The only way to figure out how your body experiences pleasure is to explore and experiment. And to do so effectively, you need to start with some basic information.
While we talk about it in terms of clitoral vs vaginal orgasms, or external vs internal orgasms, they’re actually more similar than that. The structures that contribute to our experience of pleasure are interconnected. So while the areas we pinpoint for stimulation might differ, the same structures are involved. That’s what the clitourethrovaginal complex mentioned above is all about.
The entire clitoral complex, the vaginal canal, the urethra (and urethral sponge) and to some extent even the cervix and uterus all work together to help us experience pleasure and orgasm.
The same scientists from above put it this way,
“The anatomical relationships and dynamic interactions between the clitoris, urethra, and anterior vaginal wall have led to the concept of a clitourethrovaginal (CUV) complex, defining a variable, multifaceted morphofunctional area that, when properly stimulated during penetration, could induce orgasmic responses.”
So is vaginal orgasm a thing? Short answer: yes. At least for some people. What I mean by this is that it is possible for some people, at some times in their life, to have an orgasm from vaginal penetration as their only genital stimulation. This could be with a penis, with fingers, or with a sex toy. But as we’ve learned above, even if you’re only stimulating the vaginal canal (or the area commonly called the g-spot) there are more anatomical structures getting in on the action.
When this question is asked it’s usually not because people want to geek out on the science (although some of us do.) It’s because people are either looking for new or different ways to experience pleasure, or they’re trying to figure out ways to experience pleasure or orgasm during partnered sex.
And here’s where even more politics enter the bedroom.
Especially when it comes to cisgender, heterosexual couples, there’s a pervasive myth that orgasm should be simultaneous. And what that ends up meaning in practice is that cis women are meant to orgasm from the same stimulation as cis men (penis in vagina sex.)
“From the nineteenth to the mid-twentieth centuries, many psychologists, inspired by Freudian psychoanalysis, argued that women should only achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration by a man. Any other kind of female sexual pleasure — including masturbation, queer sexuality, and any stimulation of the clitoris — was considered a sign of “masculinity,” imbalance, or even insanity.” - How Psychology Stigmatized Female Orgasm (and How We Got It Back), Reina Gattuso
But here’s the thing — studies have consistently shown that only around 25%-30% of cis women report having orgasms from intercourse. And this means that a combination of bad science and pervasive cultural myths have lead many people to think they’re broken, or that something is wrong with them, if their body isn’t performing in a way that turns out is pretty rare.
Let’s loop back around to our initial question and try to answer it.
Vaginal orgasm myth: Every “mature” cis woman should be capable of vaginal orgasm during intercourse. Perhaps even timed with that of their partner.
Vaginal orgasm reality: Orgasm is not scientificly well understood in people with vulvas and vaginas. However, the CUV complex is capable of providing tremendous amounts of pleasure, through various forms of stimulation. That stimulation may be primarily external, (focusing on the external portion of the clitoris,) primarily internal, (focusing on the vaginal canal or “g-spot” area,) or a mix of both.
There is no “right” way to have an orgasm or experience pleasure. And when it comes to partnered sex, it’s often more realistic to plan on taking turns orgasming, rather than trying to come together.
The expectation is definitely there, and the myth is perpetuated by it...
From my own experience, I get the impression that A) men either make assumption (or even lie) about their previous partners, or B) those women faked/exaggerated. Not that I blame them, I know I've exaggerated in the past and justified it as role play to add heat to the moment. Not that there isn't amazing pleasure to be had during penetration, but it's not something that has an actual climax, like a clitoral orgasm... I'd love to learn more about women's' individual experiences.
What has your experience been?